Supporting my ex wife and six year old son through her treatment while not appearing overly intrusive.

I am 57 years old and my ex wife who is 20 years younger has been diagnosed with Stage #4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She has confided in me, and mentioned that she cannot find a non-religous support group in her region (Penticton,BC) for help. I know many Doctors and have started to find her some options. I am very concerned, want to help, and have attempted to do that. She now says my help has crossed boundaries, which I do not quite understand, but I will accomodate her wishes no matter what. What can I do to help without appearing to be intrusive, as that is not the case, but how do I alter any feelings she may have developed ,and still remain a positive support source for her? It's complicated.

Submitted by Hasbropym on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 15:55.

As stated I am 20 years older than my wife and have been able to get her Family on board, as they had not accepted her separation from me when the divorce came through. Her partner is religous, but 'G' has no point of reference with religions so has asked for non- religious support groups. The only groups she has found are Breast cancer survivors and/ or 'Christian Groups' who proclaim certain Dogmatic foundation views that 'G' has no experience with and this is not the time for 'Insto-Religion' in any form. She is brave and is in a "Kick-Ass" mode having gone through her "depression/ What!-Me!?- disbelief period".She has started Chemo-#3 of 12) and is very concerned for our son, who is 6 years old.I am not near and due to my own health issues(I am disabled) I wish to help anyway I can without initiating any historic patterns that are not relevant. How can I help her, my son, and all concerned without triggering any real or imagined patterns that seem to intefere with my intentions.?

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'hasbropym' Kilmartin

Submitted by chey on Wed, 04/08/2009 - 16:37.

Hi there. I am real sorry to hear about your situation. I have been going through the same thing with my brother who was diagnosed some time ago and is now in treatment. I had some great advice from people here and I realized that I had to do what he wanted. He was going through such a rough time that I felt like I needed to be there at all times but then realized that I should be there when and where he needs me. Sometimes we just hang out together and don't even talk. The company is enough. I have learned not to be overbearing. Let her know that you are there and will do anything that she wants. That level of support means a lot. Many people beat this disease so I pray that your ex-wife will as well. I hope this helps

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