SO this is what fatigue feels like....

It has been a few days since my first treatment, and up until today I actually felt pretty good considering what I am going through. I've been exhausted but restless, and just felt slightly off kilter...but no nausea or vomiting, so I can't really complain too much. I was warned plenty of times that I would feel "fatigued," but I truly had NO idea what that meant until experiencing it firsthand today. I am embarrassed for ever misusing that word and saying that I felt "fatigued" before this, because I had absolutely no idea what that felt like until now. I must say, that it is such a crippling feeling to all of a sudden be hit with the sudden urge of having to sit or lay down right then, no exceptions. I felt like all of my energy was just zapped completely out of me, or that I was hit by a train...not fun at all. This first chemo dose has been "tolerable," I am just nervous for what the next one has in store for me. It seems that each day has been different with slightly new side effects. On Saturday, I noticed that my cheeks are super pink and flushed...they are still like that, and my skin is extremely more sensitive. Now the fatigue has started...

Today was actually the first day that I was completely pissed off at having Hodgkin's! I have been extremely devastated about it, and very emotional over the whole thing, just in shock...but today I just felt angry that my entire life is put on hold right now while everyone else gets to move forward. I am not trying to have a pity party, because I know that I will get through it and be able to move on with my life after getting over this hurdle...I just feel helpless right now, and I hate the feeling. I am so used to my routine of going to work, and school, studying, then heading over to my boyfriend's house and grabbing dinner, and now I am forced to lay in bed while dealing with pink flushed cheeks and fatigue! 

The one thing that has definitely helped me embrace this whole thing, and I highly recommend for anyone going through anything similar to what I am, is having some sort of party! On Saturday, my wonderful sister and amazing friend Jill threw me a "Hat/Wig Donation/F*** Hodgkin's Party," and it was such a fun time with great friends, and really took my mind off of things. I was terrified that I would be too sick to go after my first chemo, but everything fell into place and was perfect. It is absolutely amazing how many people have offered such amazing support throughout all of this! I am so appreciative of that. It really is the BEST feeling in the world to know how many great people you have by your side at a time like this. This is definitely a time when somebody finds out who their "true friends" are...and I am ecstatic to have so many! :) 

                     The cake pretty much says it all :)
Here are some pics from my party on Saturday! Thank you so much again to my sister and Jill for throwing such an amazing party! I had a blast! :)     

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