(Sick feeling + Pain)(Unanswered diagnosis) = (Anger + Regrets) - Love

Dale has felt horrible for many months. Some days worse than others.  Although he continually goes to various doctors and discusses his symptoms, he has no answers and there is no relief. He complains of leg and muscle pain, severe headaches, fatigue, dizziness, weakness, pain everywhere, and chronic coughing. He has claimed many times that he fears this is his last year, "...something is going on and they aren't listening to me!" He has suicidal thoughts.

He has stayed in bed for the past several days, getting out of the house for minimal moments of time. One was a doctor's appointment. Blood work and x-rays were taken, however, as he was traveling from one floor to the next for the tests, he got stuck in the elevator for 45 minutes. Then. later that day, they called him telling him that his blood had gotten lost and he needed to come hack to give them more.

No wonder he stays in bed.

This gives him time to think and reflect on life and its dealings. He constantly reminds himself of the negative experiences of life and therefore relives the anguish of each incident. Is that what one does who believes their life is nearing its end? And I, apparently, am the cause of much grief. There is nothing that I can do that is correct. The same breakfast we have all the time has become suddenly disfavored. I took out the garden weeds incorrectly. I attempted to clean the floors, but incorrectly, so he did so. He says he may as well sell the home and give it to a niece and her husband. May as well, he says. "What's the point any more?" he says. I suppose he believes I am a helpless-extravagant-flippant-user and unable to make decisions.

Is this how depression rules one's mind? All is lost, all is forlorn, all is worthless. I  struggle to know what to do, how to help, how not to exasperate it more.

Today it got bad enough Dale determined it was time to go to the ER. What they are able to do beyond what doctor's have already attempted to do for him, I am not sure. They analyzed his suicidal thoughts and gave him ibuprofen for the headache (I suggested he take some at home--but was refused). It helped. They found nothing unusual health-wise and sent us home over four hours later.

What does this all mean? Dale is in miserable pain and suffering from something. He is not getting answers that he needs to receive. He feels horrible and its getting old.

However, I hope he noticed that our walks and steps were shoveled clear of the fresh snow by kind neighbors, one over 70 and the other 12 years old. I hope he noticed the Glitter box left on our front porch with a get well message inside the box. I hope he feels the many prayers and thoughts of goodness that are sent his way.  I hope he knows that, I too, am part of this home. I hope he knows that we can do this together.

My answer to the above formula is: (Forgive + Forget quickly) / (Love + Patience)(Endure to the end) = (Hope + Understanding)(This-Too-Shall-Pass). Combining like terms and you end up with (Forgive + Forget Quickly).  That is what I do.

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