My esophagus SUCKS!

Okay....maybe I spoke too soon in my last post, because although radiation may not be that bad compared to chemo, it is not very easy either. I finished my second week of radiation yesterday...10 down, 7 to go! My chest is still really red and hot to touch like a sunburn, and for some reason my skin just feels extremely itchy. Not even the area that's being radiated, but other areas of my body...weird. Starting on Wednesday (after 8 treatments), my esophagus started to feel very raw and tender. It's uncomfortable to swallow, and I can feel the tenderness when I speak or even stand up from laying down. It feels like I swallowed a popsicle stick. Maybe I just have a sucky esophagus, because although it is a different pain this time, I had problems with my esophagus during chemo as well. I've also been extremely tired...not the kind of tired where I can take a nap and feel better, but that fatigue feeling that makes my whole body feel weak and exhausted. I'm sure that my body is still healing from all of the damaging effects of the chemo, and some of the crappiness I feel is probably still lingering from that.

Great quote that I came across It is so weird to think that "I am a cancer survivor" or "in remission," maybe because I don't really feel like I am. It just doesn't feel "permanent" yet. I'm not finished with radiation, and the thought of the cancer coming back terrifies me...I feel like it can come back at any time, so am almost scared to acknowledge that I have kicked it's ass in fear that it will come back as soon as I start proudly saying that I am a Hodgkin's Lymphoma Survivor. If I pay too much attention to it, I'm scared it will come back. It feels like my remission is just temporary. That's just crazy me, I know! But after going through what I would have crazy thoughts as well. I'm just wondering when I will actually feel "like a survivor?" After 5 years of being in remission, a person is considered "cured." I know that I will always have this worry about cancer coming back...but I just need to find a way to manage that fear and get it under control.

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